i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
