my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
