your parents love me but you hate me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
