it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is Oprah even human
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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