The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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