Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
