if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize