Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
