No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
