Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
