I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I want is dick and wine.
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