I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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