i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
sex in a hospital.. check
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
