I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
