Define "chronic" masturbator.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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