My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
