I just pynch a tree in the face
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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