Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
