it hurts more in the daytime
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
