i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wish my penis had a tongue
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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