A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
