i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
