Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
