Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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