Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
