im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
