I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
