OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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