just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my shit smells like andre
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
