do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
