areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
