you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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