Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize