I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
