miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you will always have a special place in my vag
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
