So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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