i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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