You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
