are you still at the devil's house?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize