I want to stick my p in your. b.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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