I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
