He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
