Don't make out with my wife yet
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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