So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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