do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
