its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
