i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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