you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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