the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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