Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
