he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
