Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
