i don't like sucking hair
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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