I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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