Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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