I accidentally had phone sex last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think your dad took our porno
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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