WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
