nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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