I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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