i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
