So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
