After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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