Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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