I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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