K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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